Disney 2013, Day Five

"Earful Tower" at Disney Studios. Yeah, I don't get it either.

This was our last day with the Webers, as they had to return to the distant past to help our prehistoric ancestors defeat the evil Lizardmen and ensure human civilization is born. We saw them off by going to Disney Hollywood Studios and then doing Star Tours a bunch.

STAR TOURS

This is the best ride at Disney Hollywood Studios and probably in the top five of all the rides in any park. You get on a star ship - actually a small theater-sized flight simulator - and before your ship can leave the hanger, Darth Vader appears and orders you to stop as there's a rebel spy on board, picked from the audience. (Katie was the rebel spy once and I was the time after that; you can get a T-shirt that says I AM THE REBEL SPY, which I'm pretty sure real spies don't go around wearing T-shirts advertising that fact. Maybe it's a good idea, though; nobody would suspect the guy wearing a T-shirt that says I AM A SPY, right? I think I got the idea for my next novel.)

What was I saying? Right, Star Tours. The old Star Tours was pretty cool, but the new version they put in is really awesome; the whole theater shakes and rocks around, and there's a huge 3D screen that shows where your ship is going. You visit two planets each trip - the first one is either Kashyyyk (home of the Wookies!!!), or Revenge of the Jedi-era Hoth. After the first planet, either Admiral Akbar or Yoda appears and tells 3PO, who's piloting the ship (it's a long story), to bring the spy to a certain location, and one hyperspace jump that pushes you back into your seat, you end up at Phantom Menace era Naboo (where you almost run over Jar Jar Binks) or Episode II era Coruscant. There's a weird continuity error here - if you get Hoth first, you're going back in time no matter which planet you get second. This is the kind of stuff you have to know when you're the rebel spy!

This is just a great ride - I think my favorite part is when you get Naboo as the second planet, and at the end you crash into a parked star-fighter so that the beak punches through the windshield and the robot who was repairing it falls off into the ship. 

THEN WE WENT ON STAR TOURS AGAIN AND IT WAS AWESOME

The second time through we got Hoth and Coruscant. As we were leaving Webs got cornered by a Imperial security officer who had noticed that we had been riding in the same transport as a known rebel spy. We were not allowed to leave until we'd endured the torture of some horrible puns (What does Darth Vader order at the Italian restaurant? Only One Cannoli!!!!!) 

We reluctantly peeled ourselves away from Star Tours and went to see the Muppets 3D Movie.

The Muppets 3D Movie

(checks notebook) This is a Muppets 3D movie. 

It's cute; the tone is set early on when Kermit promises "there will be no cheap 3D tricks!" and Fozzie overhears him and comes running to open a can full of springs that look like snakes at the audience's face. My favorite part is Statler and Waldorf anamatronics making wise ass remarks the entire time, although it gets a little grim when at the end Waldorf mentions they can't leave because they're bolted down. 

A CONVERSATION I OVERHEARD IN THE MEN'S ROOM

Kid: Dad. This is where you tinkle!!
Dad: Yes, I know. Thank you.
Kid: GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!
*silence*
Kid: Dad, you're stinky!

Lunch at the ABC Commissary

This is a counter-service style eating location that's emblazoned with a ton of banners for ABC shows I know nothing about. (Does anybody here watch "Castle"? "Castle"? Anybody? No?). Akiko, Katie, and I all got the salad, which was pretty good. Katie picked all the edamame out and gave me her chicken. The chicken wasn't bad, but man, it was tough. The tough man it takes to prepare a tender chicken wasn't at work that day. Remember those ads? Anybody? 
(tumbleweed blows past)
Anyway, next we did the Great Movie Ride.

The Great Movie Ride

This is more like The OK Movie Ride. You get in a huge car and drive through a bunch of movies that Disney was able to get the rights to, like, umm, Public Enemy, Alien, Indiana Jones, some 30's musical I never heard of, and an imaginary one where Clint Eastwood and John Wayne were in the same movie. It's acceptable; at one point, your original guide is taken hostage by bank robbers, and one of them hijacks your ride vehicle and drives through Alien ("What in tarnation!") before trying to steal a gem from Indiana Jones and getting turned into a SPOOKY SKELETON OOOOOOOOOOOO. Then you go through the Wizard of Oz.

THEN WE WENT ON STAR TOURS AGAIN

This time we got Hoth and Coruscant again, but KATIE WAS THE REBEL SPY YOU GUYS, please don't tell anyone. Hey, what's the temperature inside a Tauntaun? Lukewarm!!!11

DID WE GO ON STAR TOURS AGAIN AFTER THAT????

We went on Star Tours again after that. I was the rebel spy. I made it out OK, thanks for asking; look forward to my upcoming autobiography. Co-written by a Wookie. (He did most of the chapters that are just angry yelling.)

And that's kind of it; there's not really much to do at Disney MGM outside of the rides we'd already done, and my feet hurt, and Katie got too much sun, and I got into an argument with a dog earlier and the dog was following us around the park looking for a chance to challenge me to a game of Magic the Gathering.*

* This did not happen. The dog actually wanted to play Yu-Gi-Oh!

Tomorrow, and also somehow yesterday since I'm going to combine reports again: EPCOT, and more shouting. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA