Disney 2011, Day 2

Exciting Things That Happened In Between the Last Report And Now
I slept like a log for 9 hours. Katie watched "Princess Protection Service", a made for TV movie from 2008 where a bitchy teenage girl learns the important lesson that being a princess is awesome.

Today we had lunch reservations at Teppan Edo, a restaurant where you sit at a hibachi grill and the chef cooks your food for you. As an appetizer I got a dish of raw salmon, raw tuna, and avacado. I actually really liked the raw tuna; The menu said it was "Sashimi-quality", and I guess it was, because it just about melted in my mouth, and it didn't taste fishy at all. In fact, I'd almost have believed it was fruit. The salmon I wasn't as much of a fan of - this you could tell was fish.
For the entree Katie and I both got chicken. This isn't really anything fancy; It's chicken breast cooked and cut up for you on the hibachi. However, watching it get cooked in front of you really makes you want to eat it, and it tasted great. I skipped the mushrooms (too chewy). For dessert Katie had green tea pudding, which was good, and I had ginger chocolate cake, which was better.

While we were in Japan we also went shopping. Japan has a huge store - huge even for Disney "Yeah, we'll take your money" World. I really like this store for two reasons. The first is that it has a classical section where you can find folding fans, calligraphy sets, insence, fine cloth, etc. and a modern section where you have Hello Kitty, Pokemon, and anime stuff. The second reason is that these sections are seperate, so you don't have neck-bearded Naruto fans looking for Sakura wallscrolls breathing down your neck while you go snack shopping.
And oh the snacks: This is one of the few stores I can find that has good rice crackers, which we limited ourselves to getting one pack of, only because we can't carry more. We'll see how long we can go without eating these; I'll put the over/under at 18 hours.

After that we left the World Showcase and went to see Captain Eo, which is BACK, mother fucker. Disney has, wisely, I think, preserved this untouched from 1986, complete with mega-cheesy everyone-has-big-beards making-of video. The show itself (in 3D!!!!!) is about what you'd expect from a collaboration between George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, and Micheal Jackson. The blue elephant guy playing the keyboard from Star Wars is in this movie, playin' the keyboard (and sneezing on the audience), so I don't know where it fits in the canon. The movie also features the Borg Queen from Star Trek: First Contact, complete with assimilated drones that Captain Eo transforms into backup dancers with special effects. And her makeup looks better in this movie, really. Good stuff.

Totally mean alternate name for Captain Eo I'm not going to use because I enjoyed it

More like CRAPTAIN Eo! Oh snap!

Next up was Journey Into Imagination with Figment, a purple dragon that I guess certain people have a fondness for from an earlier ride he was in. In the current one he annoys Eric Idle. It's cute. We got a plush Figment on the way out and put him in our kidney bag with his head sticking out, so it looked like we were carrying him around, or maybe kidnapping him. (Later we took him out to make more room for a bottle of water, so Figment's feet and the tip of his tail were sticking out of our shopping bag, which REALLY made it look like we were kidnapping him.)
We were going to do Soarin' next, but it might as well be named Inaccessible Due To Ridiculous Line Times, because, um, we couldn't go on it because of the ridiculous wait time. The Land, a boring-sounding but interesting ride where you see a greenhouse (with hydroponic tomatoes that are GROWING UPSIDE DOWN YOU GUYS), was closed due to a badger attack. I mean, I'm assuming, they didn't give a reason, but it was probably badgers. Or ferrets, they smell bad. It's a defense mechanism.

Totally mean alternate name for Soarin', which I can't tell is accurate since we are not willing to wait 65 minutes in line to ride it

More like SNORIN'! Boom!

Next we went on the Little Nemo ride, which starts with you getting into a giant clam, after which a staff member give you a lecture on how you just willingly climbed into a giant clam and if this was real life, you would have been eaten and right now you'd be clam poop. No, just kidding. Actually, it's a short ride where Nemo is missing again, and his dad is looking for him? I was only half paying attention to the movie. It is pretty relaxing, though, and the final song they sing is annoyingly catchy. The ride lets out directly into a two-story aquariam, where we saw a bunch of small sharks and three absolutely huge turtles, two of them laying around the floor and one of them very slowly floating up to the top of the tank, probably to get a government handout. Thanks, Obamarx.

Responses to say to your wife when she asks if she smells, from smartest to most dangerous

Yes, you smell wonderful!
No, not at all.
No, why would you smell?
Do you? What do you smell?
Yes, you reek!

Katie's dogs were barkin' now so our last stop was Spaceship Earth, where Dame Judi Dench guides you through a history of communication, starting with cavemen and ending with mean internet commenters. What really stands out about this ride is that at the start, you look into a camera, and at the end it will ask you about what kind of vacations you like, after which it will show you a movie where YOU, a stick figure with your photo pasted on as the head, blasts off into space or under the ocean. It's hilarious, and I only wish you could put your email address in or something to send it to everyone, so you could all see me floating in space giving a Fonzie-esque EYYYYY thumbs up to the camera. Also, the ride is presented by Siemens, but I've been told if I make any more giggling puns about it I'm going to be punched. So I'll save those for when we go on Pirates of Carribean.
After that we came back to the hotel, did some shopping, and sat out looking over the lagoon watching the sun set. OKAY, boat, we hear you! Stop blowin' that horn!

Things to say to steer your wife to the bathrooms when you looked up where they are on the map

I know where the bathroom is, follow me.
Follow me - I know where the bathroom is.
Don't go in there and ask, I know where they are.
Did they tell you where they are? I knew they were there already.
Ow.

For dinner we had the same thing as we had last night, except this time as room service. And we added a fruit plate. And a big slice of chocolate cake. And two Cokes in a clear plastic cube filled with ice. I don't know what it is about room service, but man, if you ever want to feel like a king, go to Disney and order some up. The electric light parade and fireworks going off outside our door over the lagoon didn't hurt either.

Survival techniques when vacationing with your wife who is celebrating the second anniversary of turning 29

Choose the smartest response when she asks if she smells.
Don't mention that she was asking if she smells when writing up your trip report.

Wife Addendum: No Chelsea or Dr Who swag at England at Epcot. Started PIN PANDEMONIUM by buying five each for our hats. Dorked out for the return of Captain Eo and the return of the Figment ride. The Figment wearing the astronaut outfit is in there!! Mumbly husbands also shouldn't walk two feet behind their wives if they want to alert them to bathroom locations!