Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Disney 2011, Day 5

Exciting Things That Happened In Between the Last Report And Now
Katie snored like a revving chainsaw, prompting me to tell her to be quiet, which apparently woke her up enough that she was reading tvtropes.org for two hours about Phineas and Ferb (turns out I have the same birthday as Doofenschmirtz's daughter!)

Today we went to Disney MGM park, which is kind of the odd park out. Disney usually acts like this:

THE MOTHER FUCKING MAGIC KINGDOM!
OH SHIT - IT'S EPCOT!


DISNEY'S ANIMAL KINGDOM!

I GUESS DISNEY MGM IF IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TROUBLE!

Now Disney MGM has a few neat rides. The big attraction is the new "Star Tours", a Star Wars-themed ride through space and some planets. I like the old one, but it's been redone now so that it can go to a bunch of different places, and so it's different every time. The way it works now is cute; You get on board and they take a picture of an audience member, then as you try to leave, the Empire figures out that there's a "Rebel Spy" on board and your ship zooms away as you're chased down. I'm not going to ask why a tour ship has laser cannons that R2D2 uses to shoot down TIE fighters, let alone how we managed to escape six Imperial Star Destroyers.
The two planets we ended up with were the Wookie homeworld, Kashyyyk, and the capital planet of Coruscant. They're both neat, although it is a little weird going from Episode IV - VI Kashyyyk straight into Episode II Coruscant with totally different ship designs. Nerd alert.

So what then? Well. Disney MGM is kinda lite on awesome rides; It has a bunch of stunt shows, which look nice, but the wait times are all pretty big. There's a 3d Muppet movie, but I'd already seen it. So we went on the Backstage Tour, which gives away such treasured Hollywood secrets like sets don't feature whole buildings, but instead just a false front. Major spoiler alert. You drive through Disney's costuming and set-building departments, which is a genuinely neat behind the scenes look. Then you go to a fake "movie set" where they set off a huge propane explosion and dump 70,000 gallons of water on your ride vehicle. This is pretty neat. The propane burns so hot you can feel it on your skin from 50 feet away.

A weird aside: For some reason, this whole ride seems to take place in an alternate universe where 2001's "Pearl Harbor" was a massive hit, because it's mentioned repeatedly and the pre-show explosives demonstration is patterned on it. Go figure.

So now it's about 2:45, and we're done with Disney MGM; After spending like 9 hours in the park yesterday, we're ready for a break. We both came up with an idea of what to do next.

My idea

Eat something at one of the restaurants in the park and go home.

Katie's idea

Get a bus to the Contemporary, walk to the monorail stop, take the monorail to our resort, walk to our room, drop off our extra stuff, walk back to the bus stop, get a bus to downtown disney, eat at the Rainforest Cafe, get a bus back to the Contemporary, walk to the monorail stop again, get the monorail back to our resort.

Nick and Katie's Wild ride

Well, you can probably guess what we ended up doing since the heading isn't "Nick and Katie's Relaxing Lunch". Actually, to be fair, we were having great luck with these bus and monorail stops; The first two busses we caught were waiting for us when we got to the bus stop, as was the monorail every time. At the Rainforest Cafe, though, Katie committed the ultimate crime - telling me we'd split an appetizer and then not having very much of it. Then she punched a baby and tipped over an old man's soup into his lap, laughing maniacally as he made a comical sad face.
Okay, no, those last two things didn't happen. But she did in fact agree to split the appetizer with me, then ordered a house salad, just like Judas turned Jesus over to the Romans. Exactly like that.
After we ate we wandered around Downtown Disney. We went in World of Disney, which is more difficult than it sounds, because people still stand right in the doorway taking pictures of the lobby. (I feel for whoever has to look at that slideshow.) I got a new hooded sweatshirt, but we couldn't find one for Katie, as women apparently don't get cold now.
Then it was time to take the bus back to the resort. And we happened to get on the dreaded

BUS WITH OBNOXIOUS KNOBS ON BOARD
BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM

Up until now, the most annoying bus passengers we'd ridden with was a loud obnoxious lady who held forth on how Disney is a rip-off, and paying $20 a person to have lunch in Cindarella's Castle with Cindarella isn't worth the money (right in front of her child she'd done this with). This time we were riding with three of them.

Subjects covered by three obnoxious bus passengers

I'm never coming to disney again.
This gentleman right here could give up his seat for me.
Nobody knows how to be a gentleman anymore - they don't have no role models!
(On hearing someone five feet away is getting off at Pleasure Island): What dumbass is getting off at pleasure island! You can't be serious!
(On getting a new bus driver): Is it a he or a she? Or both. Sir, are you a ma'am or a sir or both?
If I didn't have a kid, I wouldn't be here, I'd be sippin' a coconut on the beach!
If my husband was here, he'd kick somebody's ass.
Do I smell? (They then proceed to sniff each other's armpits.)*

* Yes, really. Right there on the bus. Can you believe it?

I have to give myself credit for not letting out a loud "Good" at their loud promises not to come back to Disney, but instead I just smirked annoyingly. (It's a gift.) We got off at the Contemporary, and Katie's butt had fallen asleep, so we checked out the stores before getting on the monorail. (If you're curious, it's $65 for the princess dress for a little kid, then extra for all the accessories. I think Disney's missing out on making money not making these for adults.)

And that's it for today.  Tomorrow it's back to Epcot for lunch at the italian restaurant, and then who knows? We might do Soarin' again, or Test Track, which is the one excellent ride we haven't done at Epcot yet. Now come here and sniff my pits - do I smell?


Wife Addendum:  The gentleman who should have moved according to the obnoxious NYC family was Nick.  It's called being on time for the bus if you want a seat so fuck you. I have three huge bug bites and Nick has zero.  Unfair, Disney insects!
We have mugs that allow us free unlimited drinks at our hotel. The hot chocolate that comes out of the machine is some of the best I've had and it's free.
We didn't eat at MGM because the food isn't that great (at the places I've been to that we could also get into) and Nick isn't fond of buffets.  I think he liked the buffet there when we went last but sometimes it's hard to tell if he likes something because he only came with one emotion cartridge. His memory and emotions are stored just like Robocop's.

No comments:

Post a Comment