Disney 2011, Day 7

Exciting Things That Happened In Between the Last Report And Now
Katie snored like two chainsaws making love. I woke up at like 3 AM and didn't get much sleep.

Because we were both tired (Katie was apparently able to snore loudly enough to wake herself up), today we did Disney's Animal Kingdom, which is kind of a half-day type of thing. First we went on "Dinosaur", based on the 2000 movie. Called "Dinosaur". Remember "Dinosaur"? I didn't remember "Dinosaur".
That's okay because as it turns out, the ride basically has nothing to do with the movie ("Dinosaur"). Instead, the guy who plays Dr Hodges on CSI has invented a time machine, which everyone on the ride is kind of blase about, and you're going back in time to 90 seconds before the apocalyptic meteorite that destroyed the Dinosaurs (from the 2000 film "Dinosaur") hits. Why you can't go, say, six hours before it hits is because shut up, that's why.
The ride's discription says that it's for big kids, tweens, and adults (I guess teens aren't allowed), and even as an adult this ride is pretty scary. Most of it takes place in the dark - at some points, only small falling stars illuminate the track, and sometimes it's just totally black until thunder crashes and a scary dinosaur pops out of the darkness trying to eat you. Regrettably, we were both eaten by dinosaurs.

Next we wanted to cool down after getting eaten by dinosaurs, so we went on Kali's River Rapids, which is a lot like the Ragin' River or whatever it's called at Great Escape - The ragin' river of ragin' river rapids that rage in the river. Basically, you get in a round boat that goes down a big waterfall and you get soaked.

Weirdest conversation we have had at Disney World (yet)

What hobbies would a bird have? Can he take up scrimshaw? Although he doesn't have thumbs, is it possible for him to scrimshaw using an AutoCAD machine where he can insert the bone to be worked, then press buttons to operate the saws and lathes?

Now it was time to go on the last ride of the day, believe it or not. This is the park's signature attraction, the Kilimanjaro Safari. Here you get into a big open tour bus and drive through the nature reserve lookin' at animals. We saw black and white rhinos (although the white rhino isn't actually white, its name is thought to be a mistranslation of the Dutch word "wijd", which mean wide, because of its wide jaw). We saw some hippos, nature's biggest jerks. We saw a ton of birds whose name I totally remember, such as the (loud coughing) and (indistinct mumbling). We saw TWO kinds of giraffes, which I didn't even know there were, but I guess there are. We saw a male lion lazily sleeping (probably waiting for his government handout - thanks, Obumbler!) and a female lion keeping an eye on our ride vehicle. And an elephant. And some gazelles? Yeah, throw some gazelles in there.
Then we saw a hollow stump where a female duck managed to swim into somehow and hopefully she was able to swim back out. Also we saw two tiny cute monkies. Then we came home.

Nick Hammer and the Shorter Than Usual Trip Report

Then we went swimming. I like swimming, but the problem is I usually get bored after three minutes. So after three minutes of swimming we wandered down the beach. The Polynesian has a beach with no shells, so you can walk barefoot on it, which we did, until we came to a hammock, which Katie got in and then couldn't get out of without falling out of it her head on the sand, which probably would have been pretty funny. I mean, not good.
Then we came back to the room and Katie watched mind-rotting Disney Channel original TV for a while. Did you know there's a show on here called "So Random"? And there's "My Babysitter is a Vampire", where two boys who are like 15 years old apparently have a babysitter who's 16, and she's a vampire? Wow.

Contextless audio clips from ads on the disney channel

Zombie barf!!
Yum!!

Oh, I almost forgot!

Totally free, awesome movie pitch: July ROAR 1776, the story of the American revolution except everyone is dinosaurs.

The cast so far:

Benjamin Franklin - purple Stegosaurus with some of those frameless glasses that just perch on your nose
John Adams - smug triceratops
King George III - Tyrannosaurus Rex sitting on a big throne with one of those goofy wigs they still use in court over there