I had a dream where I got hit by a ray gun blast that turned me into a little girl, so the police detectives from "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" came and arrested me, and I was like "I didn't do anything," and they were like "Keep talking scumbag - you're going down for a long time!"
Also, Katie emailed me a bunch of photos from the ipad (find one of our room with the curtains open attached).
Today we had an 11:30 reservation at Tutto Italia, which is the nice sit-down restaurant in Italy at Epcot's World Showcase. As soon as we got to the park, we fastpassed Soarin', then went to eat. I'm guessing it's because today is Saturday, because Epcot was packed.
A digression on theme park design
One of the reasons I like Epcot is that it has the widest walkways I've ever seen - 30 feet across is narrow for Epcot. This means that even when it's packed, it's never hard to move around like some other places. A gaggle of moms squawking over a bunch of strollers that would be an impassible blood clot in Disney MGM's circulatory system is here something you just swing around and continue on your merry way. Even with 50 foot walkways, the entrance and exit area of the World Showcase was packed, probably as tomorrow is the last day of the food and wine festival.
How to deal with clogged areas
Hold hands with your wife, and raise and extend your arm to deliver clotheslines when necessary.
At Tutto Italia Katie got the fresh mozzarella, which I guess is good if you like cheese, like Hitler. I got the Proscuitto di Parma, which is thinly sliced ham on mango slices. This was pretty good, but I didn't want to eat it all since I'd also already had a bunch of bread and olive oil and wanted to have some space left for lunch. For entrees, Katie had the gnocchi, which had four kinds of cheese in it. I had the penne with no cheese, which tasted exactly like my dad's homemade pasta. Katie wimped out and got vanilla ice cream (okay, gelato, but let's be honest, it's vanilla ice cream). I got the tiramisu, which was yummy.
After lunch we went back on the Maelstrom at Norvay!!!! and this time I talked Katie into staying and watching the movie they show afterwards. It's actually kind of funny - you can tell it was filmed in the 1970s, and the narrator is like "It vould be very very brave and good looking of you to come leave all your tourist dollars in NORVAY!!!! just sayin'. Othervise, ve vill send our dreaded techno-vikings armed vith these 1970s dumb terminals out. From NORVAY!!!!"
Then we went to Mexico and went on the ride there, called I Forgot This Ride's Name. This is a very odd ride. The area you ride through is spectacular; There's a night-time pyramid with a glowing sky, a jungle river, the inside of the Pyramid, which looks like Montezuma's flooded living room, and then a rock-cut channel with waterfalls before you come to a sleepy Mexican town with perpetual fireworks going on over your head.
That's all very nice, but almost nobody is looking at this; Instead, they're looking at the hard to ignore TVs blasting two birds looking for Donald Duck so they can perform their Three Amigos routine with him. (There's a particularly big one in Montzeuma's flooded living room; He seems to be doing well for himself despite being dead almost 500 years. Despite having tourists riding boats through his pyramid, I mean.)
Next we did Journey into Imagination with Figment again and then Captain Eo again, thus falling victim to the curse of Rides I've Already Described.
Options for describing rides again
Just state that we went on the ride again.
Mention overlooked details, such as that Captain Eo seems like a small part of a larger movie where Luke Skywalker is replaced by Micheal Jackson, and who wouldn't want to watch that movie? I'd watch the fuck out of that movie. They can put that right on the poster. "I watched the fuck out of this movie!"
Make up a bunch of crazy lies, unlike what really happened on Journey into Imagination with Figment, where Figment got startled by a crying child and bit Katie, and she turned into a 18 foot purple dragon with crazy hair who could fly, and I rode her into an awesome space battle with an attacking UFO, and after Katie breathed purple plasma fire their UFO crashed, but it's OK because it collapsed into the lagoon, and the aliens were like "What are we supposed to do now?" and I got them jobs at the snack stands at Epcot and Obumbler re-distributed them citizenship using his union thugs. *
* All of this really happened. ☨
☨ In my imagination, which Figment taught me to use. ✝
✝ And Eric Idle taught me how to use footnotes.
Next we needed to sit down - Captain Eo is fun, but the sloped floor you stand on while waiting to get into the theater hurts my feet - so we went on Living with the Land again. This time there was a whopping two minute wait, which gave me time to read some of the messages on the walls. There's a bunch of quotes here, including one by Venda Green, Age 10, saying that she's just a person, but even she can make a difference. So if the Earth doesn't get better, we know who to blame, VENDA GREEN, AGE TEN.
And then what? Well, you remember our fast pass, I'm sure. It was ready now, which meant it was time for
SOARIN'
MOTHER FUCKER
MOTHER FUCKER
Did Soarin' measure up the second time? Well, yeah. Shit yeah. In fact, I'll just live on Soarin' from now on. No, wait - when I die, put me in a little urn and securely fasten that urn into a seat on Soarin'. Yeah - that's not creepy or morbid at all.
Then we came home, although I do have a further digression on the importance of a good hat.
A further digression on the importance of a good hat
A good hat is important for two reasons. The first is that it keeps your brain from getting too hot. This is the number one cause of brain explosions. The second is that it keeps the sun out of your eyes. If you have a nice hat with the right sized brim and a good pair of sunglasses - or the kind Katie and I have where you can just clip sunglasses attachments to the crazy magnets that are right in your lenses you guys - you can look straight into the sunniest, shade-lacking area Florida has to offer. In Italy I like a nice woven straw hat, but in Florida I prefer a soft canvas hat. The kind that Katie and I have is like this - you can roll it up and stuff it in your pocket, you can soak it in the ice-cold water that comes out of the water fountains and jam it on your head while yelling WOW THAT'S COLD and pretending you had no idea it was going to be that cold, and it even has snaps on the left and right side so you can button the brim up. If you button both up, it makes your hat look like a delicious taco; If you button one up, you look like Crocodile Dundee. We uh, normally don't button these up.
That's all there is to report
Tomorrow is probably going to be Disney's Animal Kingdom, where you can probably guess what they have. Until then, I guess we're watching Tinkerbell and the Lost Treasure, and Tinkerbell's kind of being an asshole right now, I'm just saying.
** Update **
Woops, never mind; Looks like Tink's about to learn her big lesson, and I think the bugs are bringing her food. What the hell are these bees bringing her, flan? Where does a bee get that? This is silly.
** Update 2 **
Never mind, it's honey.
Then we came home, although I do have a further digression on the importance of a good hat.
A further digression on the importance of a good hat
A good hat is important for two reasons. The first is that it keeps your brain from getting too hot. This is the number one cause of brain explosions. The second is that it keeps the sun out of your eyes. If you have a nice hat with the right sized brim and a good pair of sunglasses - or the kind Katie and I have where you can just clip sunglasses attachments to the crazy magnets that are right in your lenses you guys - you can look straight into the sunniest, shade-lacking area Florida has to offer. In Italy I like a nice woven straw hat, but in Florida I prefer a soft canvas hat. The kind that Katie and I have is like this - you can roll it up and stuff it in your pocket, you can soak it in the ice-cold water that comes out of the water fountains and jam it on your head while yelling WOW THAT'S COLD and pretending you had no idea it was going to be that cold, and it even has snaps on the left and right side so you can button the brim up. If you button both up, it makes your hat look like a delicious taco; If you button one up, you look like Crocodile Dundee. We uh, normally don't button these up.
That's all there is to report
Tomorrow is probably going to be Disney's Animal Kingdom, where you can probably guess what they have. Until then, I guess we're watching Tinkerbell and the Lost Treasure, and Tinkerbell's kind of being an asshole right now, I'm just saying.
** Update **
Woops, never mind; Looks like Tink's about to learn her big lesson, and I think the bugs are bringing her food. What the hell are these bees bringing her, flan? Where does a bee get that? This is silly.
** Update 2 **
Never mind, it's honey.
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